Friday, May 11, 2012

A Second Try to Emerge

Maybe I just need to write .. not wait for enough time to get it worded just so .. believing that writing something even if incomplete is better than writing nothing.

I thought I had emerged from my cocoon in February but found I had just taken a peak outside only to retreat again. I drew my invisibility cloak about me and moved slowly and contemplatively through the Lenten season and on into spring. I was a bit slowed by a mood shift that brought along a physical and mental sluggishness and by 3 mammograms and a breast biopsy (negative). I also found myself unexpectedly stirred to do some serious sifting of my soul of the remnants of unforgiveness left over from a relationship I thought I sufficiently buried for good.

Ash Wednesday's journal entry is highlighted in my journal: "Prayer is the forerunner of mercy. Prayer is the preface to blessing. Repent. Prepare. Produce fruit. You have stayed here long enough. Break camp. Advance. I have given you the land. Go in and take possession. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." God's love is enough. But, breaking camp from a spot one has found familiar and in a strange way, comfortable and taking the first steps to move out can be a slow process.Fortunately, my God is patient and long suffering and is not one to abandon or forsake me just because I am a slow learner.

Today I read on Elisabeth Corcoran's blog of her description of "enough-ness" ( and was stirred me to consider that my retreat back into my cocoon has served to allow this truth of God's love as enough to seep into the cracks and crevices of my being where "what was" had hidden and grown foul.

In the quiet protective confines of solitude, transformation has a chance to move beyond prayer to the reality of new life. It is there that instruction and teaching and counsel grow into convincing conviction and stir acts of faith and love and hope. I heard the instruction to remember, observe, and be careful not to forget who God is. I was taught not to judge and counseled to forgive. I asked, I sought, and I knocked and I was given what I needed and found what I was looking for and the door was opened. I am prayerfully pressing on and stripping off the residual layers of what was and allowing God's love that is enough to cloak me in satisfaction. Today's journal entry is highlighted by God's words from Jeremiah 31: "I have loved you with an everlasting love. I will build you up again. You will be rebuilt. I will bring you from. I will lead you. I am your Father. I will turn your mourning into gladness....give you comfort instead of sorrow....satisfy you with abundance. I will refresh and satisfy."

I BELIEVE His love is enough.

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